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Thread: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

  1. #21
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    53,520

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    Y’all and your free agents are fun

  2. #22

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    This was funny Clone. Definitely not Zuba funny but I did laugh a bit. I do enjoy how intimate we all have become with the player pool. I have been I leagues where I can't name five guys that aren't on my roster.

    Quote Originally Posted by citizenclone View Post
    He stuck around longer than he deserved because of nepotism, but you need some of this kind of turmoil to bring a team together.

    ______

    Bus doors open, Martin Johnson emerges, squinting into the hot Monte Carlo sun. It had been a steep fall from grace from being one of the most feared hitters in RML, to getting bounced from the Real Legends after 4 games. Every sim he considered retirement, and then he got the call and thought it's give it one last try. He's been worried about being washed up and unable to hang with the new generation of ballplayers. As his eyes adjust to the light, he catches a faint whiff of menthol on the air. Cory Brickey turns around at the sound of the bus leaving, with a Benson and Hedges cigarette hanging out of his mouth and a tube of Bengay in his hands. Raymond Davis naps on a Barcalounger. William Hall stares at his flip-phone trying to figure out how to call his brother and make sure he made it back to the farm ok.

    JERRY FLORES
    Hey Marty.

    Martin Johnson is clearly happy to see his old teammate

    MARTIN JOHNSON
    Jerry! Man, I was worried I was going to be the old man in this place.

    JERRY FLORES
    No need to worry about that one.

    WILLIAM HALL
    (in the distance, yelling into his phone)
    Your WHIP was 1.69, Danny! That's definitely bellyitcher territory, can we stop talking about this please?

    FLORESTAN FISSORE
    Mamma Mia! Another one of these ****ing geezers.

  3. #23
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Minneapolis, MN
    Posts
    22,838

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    I have tears in my eyes from the laughter, this is funnier than anything Zubaz has vomited onto the keyboard.

    Rankings of owners humor assessment:

    1st: Lemke
    2nd: Clone
    3rd: Jar
    ....

    Last: Legend
    Fighting Physicists - The Classic League
    "All science is either physics or stamp collecting." -Ernest Rutherford


  4. #24
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    Location
    South Jersey (Philly born and raised)
    Posts
    9,728

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    Quote Originally Posted by dl3mk3 View Post
    I have tears in my eyes from the laughter, this is funnier than anything Zubaz has vomited onto the keyboard.

    Rankings of owners humor assessment:

    1st: Lemke
    2nd: Clone
    3rd: Jar
    ....

    Last: Legend
    This hurts so bad that I rank AT BEST 4th....and it's so well deserved. I need to work harder. Are we sure Legend is last though? What about CK? He's not exactly Benny Hill.
    "As good as you are in face to face wolf, you are the worst at online.

    A blind monkeey throwing turds at the keys would have made more sense than you did in this game."

    Jokeline reminder

  5. #25
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Classic League
    Posts
    50,595

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    I thought that was a meta rating of raters. I also think Lemke is snubbing legend to try to avoid getting the legend preseason prediction curse.

  6. #26
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    Minneapolis, MN
    Posts
    22,838

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    Definitely a rating of raters, and it possibly involved poking Legend regarding his rankings.
    Last edited by dl3mk3; April 9, 2021 at 02:36 PM.
    Fighting Physicists - The Classic League
    "All science is either physics or stamp collecting." -Ernest Rutherford


  7. #27

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    I definitely have you and CK beat


    Quote Originally Posted by dl3mk3 View Post
    I have tears in my eyes from the laughter, this is funnier than anything Zubaz has vomited onto the keyboard.

    Rankings of owners humor assessment:

    1st: Lemke
    2nd: Clone
    3rd: Jar
    ....

    Last: Legend

  8. #28
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    53,520

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    New Netflix original movie. Scheduled runtime 89 minutes. Entire script is below....

    Opening credits and pictures of redraft history. W’s on the wall, crippled boicey team beating Perry, legend signing fAs and lots of drafting. Fade to clones quiet she shed where he is deciding who to draft. He mumbles something about ‘this is how titles are won’. Lots of hand wringing, forehead rubbing, sighing.

    Cut to ZUBAZ and LEGEND: A bob Dylan song playing in the background. Zubaz and legend riding in a convertible. You see zubaz lips moving but the only sound we have if the song. Legend gives a hearty laugh.

    They approach a railroad crossing, legend laughing is slowing. They cross the tracks and a train comes out of nowhere to smash them. It’s a spectacular crash, the car is pinned on the front of the train and pushed down the tracks as the train doesn’t slow or brake or sound the horn. Zubaz and Legend are alive and well, zubaz says “oh no, my car”. Legend cackles at the delivery. Pan to the train, Lemke is shoveling more coal in the engine and giggling. Back out, the car and train approach a bridge, train is braking. It stops with the car in the middle of the very high suspension bridge. Lemke is smiling. He backs up the train, really quickly for a train. And cackles. As he clears the bridge, he pulls out a remote detonator and pushes the button. Both side supports of the bridge are exploded. Lemke laughs for 5 minutes as zubaz and legend fall 1500 ft to the bottom of the canyon.

    The end.
    Last edited by andujar; April 11, 2021 at 10:46 AM.

  9. #29
    Join Date
    Aug 2004
    Location
    FL
    Posts
    53,520

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    Rerun

  10. #30
    Join Date
    Mar 2005
    Location
    The Classic League
    Posts
    50,595

    Re: Coming Soon To a Theater Near You

    I don’t exactly know why that was so funny but I started snickering and then raspy laugh and then coughing as I read that. Your script gave me the Covid.
    DURHAM MATH/AFTERMATH - TCL
    86 88 93 94 96 97 00 02 04 11 12 13 53

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